Hi, I’m Mussie of Muskrat Lake.
Pleased to make yer acquaintance.
Some say I’ve got three eyes; some think
I’m a lake-bound walrus, for heaven’s sake!
For the record, I’ve got two peeps, same as you.
Ain’t no plesiosaur land-locked since the last
ice age. Ain’t a zeuglodon on the rampage.
Ain’t no bad ass snake or eel either, Jake.
I’m Mussie, yer tourist-attracting help mate –
Stir up the waters on occasion to keep those dollars
flowing. Long as I’ve got fish to eat, I ain’t goin’
anywhere soon. Go ahead, faint and swoon on cue.
Keep the sightings reports comin’, babe
and everything’s just Jake for cabin rentals
and boat tours of Muskrat Lake. Ding Ding,
the cash registers are gonna sing! Oh yeah!
Yo, ho ho ho. Christmas is comin’, and with it
little shacks around the lake, a plethora
of fishing poles. Folks gonna catch their limits,
hoping against hope I’ll poke my head out of a hole.
I should. I mean, what the heck, they’re my
fish as much as yours, and you folks have got
turkey and cranberries and candy; whaddaya need
fish for this time of year?! Share the cheer!
Now, I’m nothing if not svelte and debonair.
Don’t mean to make a fat pig of myself this season.
Still, I still need to eat and I ain’t as fleet
as I once was chasin’ trout. Be nice if there were more about…