Manipogo – or Winnipogo – when
you’re in a Winnipeg visitin’ mood –
you sure got slinky, hinky moves.
You can howl, whisper, whimper, croon…
Lord knows you’d win a talent show
if you ever had to compete with a loon.
Won’t come ashore to take a bow, though.
Would rather cruise Lake Manitoba,
Lake Winnipeg, Lake Winnipegosis
like some cryptid ghost or spirit.
Still, you stick around. Drape the boa
of your soul in the moonlit shoals.
Ain’t hurt no one in three centuries!
That’s a lot of peace and love.
Even the hippest hippie couldn’t match you.
Manipogo, cousin of Igopogo and Ogopogo,
you ought to put on a triple-threat show.
Flap your flippers, slap your flukes in unison.
Sing Manipogo, Igopogo, Ogopogo, go!
Put your money where your mouth is!
Get yer poop in a group, and quit pollutin’ soon!
We’ve got enough hub caps and rubber tires,
Get tired of gnawin’ cancerous growths
off pickerel and trout. Keep yer toxins out!
Can we say it any louder? Keep yer
poisonous heavy metals to yourselves!
We’re tired of dodgin’ nodular brown trout!
We wanna swim. Don’t wanna be wearin’
plastic six-pack beer collars for tiaras!
F-F-filter out this fin-jammin’ sludge and goop!
It’s coverin’ the lake bottom, sloppin’ on the shores.
Our pores are getting’ plugged. What, we gotta go
on involuntary antibiotics too?
Cancer ain’t the only risk,
and who ever heard of a teenage
fish with zits? Better get on it, Holmes!
We’re runnin’ out of fresh water lakes
and we can’t be expected to put on a show
without plants that grow, fish that feed!
Don’t wanna be cleanin’ up yer pizza boxes,
downin’ what’s left in the bottom of bottles,
ya tossers! Next you’ll be throwin’ us burger Frisbees!