Robo-Cat®
David C. Kopaska-Merkel
No messy hairballs with Robo-Cat®
Pet is pre-programmed and pre-trained, but be forewarned:
Though great to have around the house, Robo-Cat®
Is extremely playful; be sure to secure your computer mouses
This is one high-maintenance mechanical pet
Picking mouse gears from its teeth
And constant trips to Circuit City can’t be fun
Robo-Cat® is not a pet for the emotionally unstable
Consider the advertising: Amazingly life-like behavior!
New Quantum Hologram computational techniques
Mimic the mapped fractals and flow patterns
Of neurons firing in a feline brain;
With special scent-recognition programs, Robo-Cat®
Responds to the faintest hint of catnip
At no additional charge, Robo-Cat® comes complete
With a framed pedigree certificate;
And no more need to “let the cat out” late at night
Your mechanical pet does not defecate.
But let it out of the house if you want to; Robo-Cat® won’t rust
Other Robo-Cat® products you will want to order immediately:
Decorative cat box with festively colorful kitty litter
(For ornamental purposes only; not recommended for living pets)
Cat bed fully wired for remote Internet access
Sturdy Mouse Cage, with metal bars and cat-proof lock
Protect your computer mouse from Robo-Cat® (strongly recommended)
Lunar residents must pay full shipping and handling fees
Offer not available to Jovian moon mining-station conscripts
Void where prohibited; Robo-Cat® Inc. assumes no liability
For damage to household furnishings or computer accessories
Note: Robo-Cat® and Robo-Parakeet® are NOT compatible purchases
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