His stomach turned as he thought about what lay ahead of him. Josh stared out the window, his sense of dizziness settling. His mind raced forward in a tangle of anticipation and dread.
“You’re just going to stand there?” Nina said as she slammed the dishwasher shut, the rattle from the plates stabbing Josh’s ears and making his heart race. Pushing a strand of dark hair away from her face like she always did, she put her hands on her round hips and glared at him.
He frowned, wishing he could say nothing, but knowing that was impossible.
“One of the only things I’m actually good at,” he said, shrugging.
“I can’t believe you.” Nina shook her head as she turned to the kitchen counter and began to wipe it down with a rag.
Right. I’m here to help her understand, Josh thought.
“I did it for us,” he said.
“You did it for us?” She scoffed. “No, you did it for you. We have to talk about big decisions. You can’t run off and—“
“I wanted to set the kids up with proper college funds,” he shot back, turning to her. “If you calm down, we can talk this through.”
Nina threw the rag down on the counter and shook her head even as she glared at him with her piercing hazel eyes. “You blew our savings on an obviously sketchy scheme, and you want me to calm down?”
That had been the wrong move. How could he have made such a rookie mistake? His mind groped for anything that might defuse the situation.
“Seems easier than trying to calm… up.” He forced a smile.
Nina’s eyes flared with more fury. “Josh, this is serious!” She shook her head again, lost in a whole world of rage within her own mind that he didn’t have access to. A moment later, she threw up her hands and said, “I can’t deal with you anymore.”
Shit, they’d gotten here quicker than he’d expected. He stepped closer to her and grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving, calling out for her to wait.
She looked at her left arm, which he held in his right hand and then up at him, her eyes filled with fear.
“I can fix this,” Josh insisted, though some part of him knew better.
“Let go of me.”
“I’ll fix it. We’ll be okay.”
“Josh, let of me go right now.”
The chime sounded. He’d screwed it up. His stomach in knots, Josh accepted that things had indeed gone irreparably off the rails again. Nina froze where she stood, and he felt her arm lose substance in his hand. She flickered out of existence right before his eyes.
Josh swore as the whole world around him evaporated.
When he opened his eyes again, he was back in Fay’s office at The Rewind Center. He became aware of the electrode mesh cap he wore on his head and wondered again if he was frying his brain doing this. Fay, his rewind counselor, sat behind her desk where she looked up from the tablet she used to control and monitor the rewinds.
“Shit,” Josh said with a sigh, shaking his head.
“Okay,” Fay said in that calming tone she assumed with him when she could see he was getting worked up. “That was different. There are still some things to address there.”
She tapped the tablet, and the screen on the wall behind her displayed several graphs charting his progress in various areas over the course of the many rewinds he’d undertaken. He glanced at it but didn’t take it in. His eyes wandered to the models of brains and the pictures on the shelf below the screen.
“You did better at explaining your desire to provide for the kids’ college funds. But you still became emotionally volatile. Remember, the Rewind offers you the opportunity to slow down, to practice responding in a new way. React in a way you wish you had when this happened.”
Josh nodded, hearing the words again but not feeling sure how to do anything else.
“You’ve improved your tone of voice compared to the original memory, but your body language needs work. Turn to her sooner, keep your hands at your side, and definitely do not touch her.”
“She’s my wife,” Josh protested. “I can touch her.”
Fay tilted her head to the side and spoke in a soft voice, “She was clearly upset and fearful. No one likes being grabbed—”
“I didn’t grab.” Josh raised his voice. He sighed, trying to not lose his cool. “Besides, how do you know that’s how she would react? That didn’t happen. That was your simulation guessing.”
“A highly educated guess based on a deep database of human behaviors and personality types,” Fay replied as she crossed her arms. “Our analysis shows a 98.3% accuracy rating. This is based on your memories and personality matching done by our psychiatric experts. There’s very little chance she would have responded differently when you grabbed her arm.”
“I didn’t,” Josh started to protest again but stopped when he saw the steely look in Fay’s eyes. “Fine. Can we go again?”
Fay uncrossed her arms and picked up her tablet as if readying herself to show Josh something. “I recommend you take time first to reflect on what new approach you can take.”
“I just need to figure out what I can say to help her understand and stop being so mad at me. I need her to see sense here.”
Fay took a deep breath and set her tablet aside. When she spoke, it lacked her usual professional polish. “Josh, put yourself in her shoes. Think about how she’s feeling. It’s not about saying the perfect thing to make things okay. That’s impossible. It’s about listening to her.”
“But I do listen to her,” Josh grinned. “I listen to her complain all the time.”
Fay pursed her lips, and Josh knew the joke had been a mistake. Folding her hands on the desk, she scanned Josh’s face with her green eyes. Fay opened her mouth to say something and then seemed to think better of it and remained silent.
“Let’s go again,” Josh urged.
“What do you plan to do this time?”
“I’ll think on my feet. I don’t want to run out of time.”
Fay glanced over at the tablet on her desk. Josh followed her eyes to it. Would she agree to run another simulation or was she going to keep wasting his time? She sighed and reached for the tablet.
“Focus on her,” Fay said. “Be curious about her feelings. Try asking more questions.”
She tapped several commands on her tablet. Josh settled back into the sofa and took a deep breath as he’d been instructed to do before. He closed his eyes.
“Okay,” she said, “you’ll be in the simulation in three, two…”
A moment later, Josh blinked and looked around. He was back in the kitchen of the house he once shared with Nina and their two boys. He looked out at the lawn through the window, noticing that it was getting shaggy and would need mowed soon.
“You’re just going to stand here?” Nina said as she made a deliberate clatter while cleaning up the dishes.
“No, I,” he started as he turned to her. He paused and took a deep breath. He had to get it right this time. He had to get her to understand. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have listened to Jason. I wanted a win for us, you know? For the kids. I want a better future for them.”
“We’re supposed to be a team.” Nina shook her head. “You have to include me. Especially when it’s something this big.”
“I was hoping it would be a surprise.”
“Oh, I was surprised alright when I saw our savings had disappeared.”
Josh gritted his teeth and forced himself to nod. This wasn’t working. But he was seeing a whole new side of Nina now.
“It’s just about the money, then?”
Nina’s jaw dropped and her eyes blazed with anger. “It’s about trust.”
What the hell? What was she saying now? Josh threw up his arms and yelled at the ceiling, “What the hell is this? You’re putting words in her mouth now?”
Nina gawked at him as if he’d lost his mind. They’d done a good job of replicating her reactions, he had to admit. That was her “you’ve completely lost it” scowl on her face. She froze in place and then vanished as the simulation shut down once again. The chimes that indicated the end of a simulation run sounded.
“Fuck!” Josh shouted as the kitchen around him vanished.
He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight in the office and his mind reoriented itself to the fact that he was sitting on Fay’s sofa. Pulling the mesh cap off, he tossed it next to him and rubbed his eyes.
“You’re putting words in her mouth,” he said.
“We’re simulating her responses based on our analysis of several key memories you shared with us. Our AI was developed by a team of psychiatric professionals with decades of experience.”
“She trusts me.”
Fay sighed, and Josh felt a stab of anger in his chest. Women. What was wrong with them? Why couldn’t they understand logic? He got up and walked over to the window, looking out at the city below.
“Josh, I’m trying to help you,” Fay said. “I don’t need fancy AI and a team of psychiatrists to tell you that no woman leaves her partner without feeling that trust has been broken.”
“So, what do I do?” he said, turning and pacing around the office. “How do I help her understand.”
“The real question is… do you understand?”
Josh swallowed the comment he wanted to make even as he felt like this whole thing was going in circles. He felt like Fay should get this by now. Some part of his mind tried to tell him to walk out right then. Why was it so hard for Fay to understand what he was after? He sighed and settled for saying, “I just want her back. I love her.”
Fay nodded, letting those words hang in the quiet office for a moment before saying, “Do you love her enough to do the work to rebuild trust?”
Josh stopped his pacing and blinked at Fay, his jaw at first clenching and dropping open. “The Rewind was supposed to help me know how I can get her back.”
“The goal of doing the Rewind is to learn to interrupt yourself and make a constructive response your new default. You practice how you would like to do things differently so when you face similar situations in the future you’ll recognize your feelings, interrupt yourself, if needed, and respond constructively. But it can’t change the past.”
Something about those words sent a chill through him. Why was he here if he couldn’t change the past? What was the point of this?
“How can this one thing, even if it’s kind of big, mean she doesn’t trust me enough to stay?”
“Can you think of any other ways in which you’ve broken her trust?” Fay tilted her head and regarded him with knowing eyes.
Josh recognized the classic situation in which there was simply no point in arguing. How did women manage to keep doing this to him? Fay’s expression softened and when she next spoke, it was with a frustrating level of kindness Josh couldn’t help but find condescending.
“I want to help you. I know what it’s like to lose the trust of someone you love. It’s lots of little things along the way. Not just big things.”
Despite her tone, Josh felt his guts twist in anger as a new suspicion rose within him. “So, is this how you get people? Tell them there’s loads of stuff to work on to keep them coming back?”
Fay glared at him in shock, her jaw dropping. She stood and said firmly, “No. Quite the opposite. Maybe you would be better served by seeing a traditional therapist.”
“I thought this was therapy.”
“This is a tool best used in conjunction with other forms of therapy. I’m here to help you on a journey of self-reflection. But it’s only part of your journey.”
“We’re wasting time,” Josh moaned. “Let’s go again.”
“I think it’s best we pick this up at another session.”
Josh grabbed the electrode mesh cap from the sofa and put it on his head. “One more time, I just need to get in there again and figure this out.”
“Josh, no. I don’t feel comfortable sending you in again right now. You’re not in the mental state to—“
“Oh, come on,” Josh said as she reached for the tablet on her desk. “Just activate it.”
As he grabbed the tablet, so did she. Her grip was strong, and she tugged on the tablet. A crimson rage filled Josh’s head as this obnoxious wanna-be therapist stood in the way of his progress. He tugged on the tablet, but she was unrelenting. Why was she standing in his way?
“Josh, stop!”
“Let go!”
With his other hand he pushed her back, trying to free the tablet. The push was much too strong. Fay must have been off balance. Josh watched in horror, his brain knowing what was happening but powerless to stop it. She stumbled backward, and her head struck the corner of the shelf behind her. She crumpled to the floor with a thud that he felt in his soul. Josh stared down at Fay’s motionless body as an alarming pool of blood formed on the hardwood floor around her head.
The chimes sounded, and Josh swore.
Fay’s body flickered out of existence, followed by the office. He hung in blackness for a moment. Finally, the grey walls he wished he could forget returned as he blinked.
He looked down at his hands, strapped to the chair. His orange jumpsuit hurt his eyes under the fluorescent lighting.
“Wait,” Josh cried out through his dry throat. “Please don’t make me do this again. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push her that hard.”
“Rewind Number 1,762 of your 532,111 Rewind Sentence is about to begin,” came the disembodied voice of the system, “Please stand by.”
“I can’t do this again,” Josh screamed. “I’ll sit in solitary. Anything but this. Please, I can’t keep doing this. I didn’t mean to hurt her. At least let me change what happens. What’s the point if I can’t change anything? Please!”
Even as his cries echoed off the walls, he heard other inmates crying out, begging to be released from their private hells. The countdown reached zero and the next Rewind launched. Fight as he may to stay present in that cell, his consciousness was sucked away and dropped back into the kitchen of his old house.
His stomach turned as he thought about what lay ahead of him. Josh stared out the window, his sense of dizziness settling. His mind raced forward in a tangle of anticipation and dread.
About the Author
Mikel J. Wisler is an award-winning filmmaker and writer who sincerely believes good science fiction can help us save the world. He has published two novels, with a third on the way, and several short stories. Mikel lives near Boston, Massachusetts, where he’s raising a scientifically curious and artistically prolific daughter and is always on the lookout for a new beer to try.
